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BUT, for those who are interested, I wanted to list some of the things, that as a now quite heavily pregnant dame, I have found useful and great during this somewhat awkward stage of life. Early on in the piece, when underwire was still feasible and didn’t make me want to throw shit, I loved the Bonds Microfibre Smooth It bra, and now, later on, I love their Maternity Contour Bra, which is a soft cup, but gives impressive enough lift and shape that you can wear it and not feel like the dogs are running all over the yard, all uncontrolled and loose. My beloved Nike Balanzas and Frees were too unsupportive and bendy, and my Zara trainers and rad Maison Martin Margiela hi-tops (eg, my “dress sneakers”) stopped fitting a while back (due to swelling – cute! Due to the extra 15 kilos or so I have amassed on my front, my feet were killing me, and I also nabbed plantar fasciitis on my left heel (don’t be jealous) so I saw a podiatrist who put little heel lifts in (I always wanted to be Millhouse) then orthotics to help with the flat foot pain us preggos get. Also, wear the right SIZE of shoe: my feet have easily gone up 1.5 sizes, which is real fun and sexy in case you were wondering, so be honest about this, and don’t do what my primary school teacher, Mrs Clegg, did, which is jam your poor feet like stuffin’ in a dang turkey. Maternity wear, for those who are yet to stumble down its confusing, bulbous path, is a terrifying world, full of cheap stretchy fabrics and unflattering boob-high waistbands and a complete lack of style in general.
I found that – amazingly – I had to go down a size from my regular size, so when you’re trying on, keep this in mind.